


ocean eyes

by fadedreams



Series: Songfics [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Songfic, musician reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 07:42:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15165899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadedreams/pseuds/fadedreams
Summary: All you ever wanted to do was sing. You never thought that you'd meet Captain America along the way.





	ocean eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this sitting in my drafts for the past few weeks and while I don't love it, it couuuuld be better, I wanted to post it anyway. 
> 
> It's unbetaed so if you see any mistakes, let me know! 
> 
> Happy Captain America's Birthday everybody~

                   

You felt like you were stuck in a cage, pacing and trying to find an exit.

How did people relax? What did normal people do with their days? Did you _do_ anything outside of music? When did you stop being a normal person?

“You need a hobby,” Emma, your manager, said breaking you out of your spiral.

“I _have_ a hobby,” you answered, strumming your guitar.

Emma’s hand came up to yours and you stopped. Her grey eyes narrowed and you frowned.

“Something other than skulking and music.”

You huffed. “I don’t skulk.”

She raised an eyebrow and you, very maturely, turned your back to her.

“Yeah? So what is it that you’ve been doing since he walked out?”

You felt your shoulders rise up to your ears and mumbled out something inaudible.

“I’m sorry,” Emma walked around to catch your eyes. “You know I’m not trying to be malicious right?”

You nodded. You _did_ know that, Emma was one of your closest friends and she didn’t have a mean bone in her body – at least, not towards you.

“Babe, what’s going to get you out of this? You’ve blown up since him – I would think that all the press tours, interviews, concerts – wasn’t that enough? To distract you?”

A little embarrassed, you ducked your head and strummed at your guitar again.

“He’s not someone you easily get over, Em’,” your chest tightened, as it always did when you talked about him. “This past year was a good distraction but…”

“…but that’s the problem,” she sighed. “It distracted you, but didn’t get to the root of the problem.”

You shrugged.

“Well, you have the next three months off,” she tapped at her phone wildly. “We could do anything, go anywhere. What do you want to do? We could get a private house off a beach and just hunker down.”

Emma kept listing off options, getting worked up, and you played the opening chord to one of your songs.

“I know what I want to do.”

* * *

 

“When I said time off, I thought you wanted to be _relaxing_ somewhere – not performing again,” Emma huffed, downing a glass of whiskey. “You really like living on the edge.”

You smiled at her. She had complained the whole way here but you knew she wouldn’t leave your side.

“Thank you Emma,” you squeezed her hand and she smiled faintly.

“If this is what you need, you do what you have to do. Just remember, you promised me at least one week in Bora Bora. I want to be in one of those cabins where we’re just surrounded by water. No paparazzi, no reporters, no fans, just water and sun.”

You grinned. “That sounds amazing. I promise.”

She smiled and handed you your tumbler. “Nervous?”

“A little,” you took it and sipped. It’d been a while since you performed an acoustic set.

You had decided that what you needed after the hectic year you’d had, was to recalibrate. You’d started out singing in bars and coffeehouses before a label picked you up. You missed the thrill of a small crowd.

However, after your first disastrous attempt, it seemed that you were too easily recognizable in the U.S.

Emma suggested flying out and trying in England. She had family there and you had friends that happily agreed to let you perform in their pubs.

While you were well known in the States, you had been garnering some traction in Europe – hopefully not enough to be as easily recognized. Emma had hired a few security guards this time around in case things got too wild but you hoped it would go smoothly.

“Five minutes love.” Your friend popped his head in and you smiled.

“Let’s do this.”

* * *

The show had gone amazingly and the knot in your chest had loosened a little, letting you breathe a little deeper.

Emma was out on the dance floor with one of the security guards. You smiled as her blue hair bounced with every twirl she did.

You must had been lost in your mind because you didn’t notice when a familiar redhead slid into the barstool next to yours.

“That was really good,” she said.

You sighed – the night had been going so _well_.

“Is he here?” You asked her.

“No,” she answered, a little insulted. “I haven’t seen him since Germany. Technically, no one’s seen _me_ since Germany. I’ve been sticking low to the ground for a while now.”

At that, you turned to her. Natasha sat slouched over, drink in her hand and a weird expression on her face.

“What happened?” You reached out to her and she straightened.

“A lot, _malyshka_. A lot has changed.”

You frowned. It had been a long time since you’d heard her call you that, _little one_. You two were close and despite the secretive nature of her job – she had never made you feel left out. On the contrary, she brought you into her little family, _your_ family. .

“Are you okay?” You asked her.

She smiled faintly. “He misses you, it’s tearing him up.”

“That wasn’t the answer to my question.”

She shrugged. “Not your verbal one.”

You scowled at her and she laughed.

“I missed you, _malyshka_ ,” she squeezed your hand and you squeezed back. “I’d gotten used to seeing you every day.”

You shrugged and she shook her head.

“I’ve watched you these past months,” she smiled. “Sam and I went to one of your concerts.”

You choked on your drink and coughed. “ _What?_ ”

Natasha grinned. “You sold out Madison Square Garden, that’s not an easy thing to do.”

You flushed and you shook your head. “You should’ve told me.”

“That was your moment, the moment we had always talked about. Your _dream_ ,” she smiled at you, her eyes suspiciously wet. “I’m proud of you. I knew you’d do it – with or without us.”

Pressure built behind your eyes and you downed your drink to distract yourself. You’d forgotten how much you’d missed her.

“Thank you,” you said quietly.

She bumped your shoulder with hers. “I gotta go.”

“Wait,” you said. “Didn’t you say that you were trying to keep a low profile?”

Natasha shrugged on her leather jacket and nodded. “Yeah, why?”

You smiled. “For next two weeks I’ll be doing my set around a few bars, you want to join us?”

“I’m trying lay low and you want me to catch a ride with a recording artist who just won a Grammy?” She smiled.

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “I’m trying to lay low too.”

Natasha nodded. “Yeah, I heard them introduce you – where did you come up with Skye Dreams?”

“It’s always been a name I used in the past, people assume it’s a stage name and I let them.”

Natasha laughed and sat back down. “Won’t Emma mind?”

“She misses you too, says I’m too quiet.”

Natasha nudged you. “I like your quietness.”

“Thanks,” you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah,” she said after a moment. “I’ll tag along, besides, I’m the best security you’ll get.”

You snorted.

* * *

Traveling with Natasha and Emma while performing small venues, _anonymously_ , seemed to be exactly what you needed. After every performance, the mess of knots in your chest released their grip around you.

You were close to being free, _so close._

“Thank you for letting me perform here Paolo,” you kissed your friend on either cheek and he smiled.

“Thank _me_?” He said incredulously and Natasha laughed behind you. “Thank _you_ for coming and doing this. If you’re staying in Roma for a few days, we should have dinner. You know Marco has missed you.”

Paolo turned to Natasha. “My husband adores her, I would be jealous if I didn’t love her so much myself.”

Natasha tossed an arm around you and smiled. “Yeah, it seems like everyone feels that way.”

You jabbed her with your elbow and took Paolo’s hand.

“We’d love to see you and Marco. What about tomorrow night?”

“ _Perfetto!_ ” He threw a hand in the air. “He will be _thrilled_. You will be announced soon, do you need anything?”

“I’m fine, thank you again,” you squeezed his hand.

He grinned at you and wished you luck.

“You know where Emma and I will be if you need us,” Natasha ruffled your hair and walked out with a wink.

You rolled your eyes but grabbed your guitar, readying yourself by the door. You didn’t think you were going to be stopping by Italy but Emma had requested, no _demanded_ , that you stop through Rome.

It was a bigger city than you usually liked to perform in but, you knew Paolo would help you out if you needed it.

You strummed your guitar, testing the strings, when you had a flash of doubt. You had changed your set last minute, to include some of your own songs.

Usually, to avoid the risk, you sang covers, or some of your lesser known songs.

You adjusted your Yankee’s hat over your head for the tenth time and sighed. This would be the first time you performed one of your more popular songs.

“ _Benvenuto_ _a Skye Dreams_!”

* * *

The crowd had loved you, dropping money into the tip jar on the far right consistently throughout the evening. You always ended up leaving it for the bartenders.

For your last song, you plucked at your guitar, a little nervous. It always unnerved you to sing it on stage, even more so now. But Emma was right, you had written the song for a reason and you needed to stop being so afraid of it.

You started humming into the mic, warming up towards the opening lyrics.

 _“I've been watching you_  
_For some time_  
_Can't stop staring_  
_At those oceans eyes,_ ”

You tried to keep your mind blank but couldn’t help it when it wandered towards the one person who haunted you - he’d inspired this song after all. You closed your eyes, preparing for the flood of memories.

“ _Burning cities_  
_And napalm skies_  
_Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes_  
_Your ocean eyes,”_

Ironically, the first time you had met him was before his Avenger days. You had been trying to scramble some money up for rent and scored a spot at a coffee house in midtown. By the end of the day, you were exhausted and starving but couldn’t afford anything on the overpriced menu.

He’d handed you a small coffee and bear claw while you were packing up. Initially you had been so offended that you almost threw the coffee on him. Then, you recognized him.

“Captain Rogers,” you stammered.

His eyes were soft and welcoming, it was the first thing you had noticed about him.

“Please, call me Steve,” he said.

“You didn’t have to go to all the trouble,” you sipped the coffee slowly. You almost cried at the taste of something that wasn’t tap water or ramen noodles.

“It was no trouble Miss,” he smiled, his eyes lighting up. “You have a beautiful voice.”

You hadn’t stood a chance.

“ _I've been walking through_  
_A world gone blind_  
_Can't stop thinking of your diamond mind,”_

New York City was where you had become friends. D.C. was where you became more.

You had found a friend to crash with and a stable job in Maryland. It wasn’t your beloved New York but it meant a roof over your head and food in your fridge.

You’d run into him, literally, one night passing the Lincoln Memorial.

“Captain?” You stopped, plucking a headphone out of your ear.

He tensed up, slowing his pace, eyes searching out yours. Once he did, his face broke out into a grin. You couldn’t help but smile back.

“Are you stalking me?” You joked, hand on your hip.

Steve laughed and your heart tripped on itself.

“What are you doing in D.C.?” He asked, wide smile on his face.

“I found a new job,” you said. “Boring but pays the bills. What are you doing in D.C.? I would think after Loki you would’ve hunkered down in the Stark Tower.”

He shook his head. “It’s complicated.”

“Isn’t it always?” You asked jokingly.

He quieted, gaze taking you in. You self-consciously crossed your arms and he smiled softly.

“It doesn’t have to be.”

 _“Careful creature_  
_Made friends with time_  
_He left her lonely with a diamond mind_  
_And those ocean eyes,”_

Intertwining your lives together came surprisingly easy. You’d bonded to Natasha and Sam quickly, weekly dinners at your apartment becoming a tradition. Emma had rounded out your little quintet.

Unfortunately, not everything was easy with you two. You had your baggage and so did he.

He was stuck in a time loop, afraid and upset at all he’d missed. Worried that the new world he found himself in was too different for him. As much as you and Sam tried to help, it seemed to be a weight on his shoulders that only he could carry.

While you both rarely argued, for the last few months, they had increased. He was worried you would get hurt because of him and you were annoyed that he wouldn’t let you help him.

In an attempt at peace, you had gone with him to New York, to one of Tony’s infamous parties. Ultron had made his appearance and you had gotten caught in the crossfires.

You’ll never forget walking up in the hospital to his expression.

Natasha said that he hadn’t left your side since you were brought in.

You fought, he was angry at himself for letting you get hurt. You were angry at him for thinking he could control everything. You both said things you shouldn’t have.

Natasha had tried to help you two work it out but, it was too late.

Whatever tentative peace you two had, shattered. You had known that it couldn’t have lasted forever, but the image of him storming out hurt like nothing had ever hurt before.

You recovered back in D.C. with Sam and Natasha visiting you often. Everything had moved quickly after that. You’d found yourself singing in bars again, on the weekends.

One night, Tony had visited you, looking for Steve. He’d heard you perform and got you an agent.

Months later you learned of Agent Carter’s passing.

After everything, you heart still ached for him. You managed to catch him before he left for London.

He’d fallen into your hug, like no time had passed, his breath harsh and eyes wide with unshed tears. Your angry words and wounds had fallen away at his broken expression.

“I’m so sorry,” you said, wishing your arms could protect him.

“I’m sorry,” he said back. “For everything.”

“I know.”

You drove him to airport.

“Will you be okay alone?”

He nodded. “Sam’s waiting for me.”

“Good.”

He turned to you, eyes serious. “Things are changing within the Avengers. I need you to stay safe.”

“Don’t,” you warned.

“I know,” he took your hand and your heart slammed against your rib cage. “I know why we fell apart and how it was my fault but please – _please_ , be careful. People know that you’re important to me and I don’t want you to be a pawn in anyone’s game.”

You frowned, but nodded, not wanting to fight. “Okay, I promise.”

He exhaled a sigh, and thanked you before getting out the car.

“We can’t be friends,” you told him. “I need closure.”

He stopped. “We were friends before.”

Your eyes welled up. “I can’t be friends with you. Every time I look at you, it hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I love you.”

You huffed a laugh, wiping away a stray tear. “We can’t do this to each other, if you’re going to break my heart, make it a clean break.”

“I never meant to-”

“I know.”

He frowned and leaned forward to press a kiss to your cheek. “I’m so sorry.”

“ _I know_ ,” you repeated. “Please don’t contact me after.”

He sighed and you waited until he’d been out of the car window before you drove off. You watched him stare after your car in the rearview mirror.

That was the last time you’d seen him.

A few days later, the U.N. was bombed, everyone was gone, and Captain America was a wanted man.

 _“No fair_  
_You really know how to make me cry_  
_When you gimme those ocean eyes.”_

Exhaling, you let the notes drag out and opened your eyes, brought back into the present.

This song had always made you feel vulnerable, an ache that never really went away. So of course, it became the most popular song on your album.

As you neared the end, you slowed your strumming. You let your voice be the main focus and the guitar becoming more of an afterthought.

“ _I'm scared_  
_I've never fallen from quite this high_  
_Falling into your ocean eyes_  
_Those ocean eyes.”_

The crowd’s applause was thundering and you were taking a bow when something caught your eye.

You don’t know how, with the bright lights and the crowd, but your eyes landed right on his.

Shocked, you straightened and darted your gaze to Emma’s, who stood right off the small stage. She frowned at you, trying to figure out what you were panicking about.

 _Breathe_ , you told yourself, giving the crowd another wave. _It’s impossible. He can’t be here._

“What’s wrong?” Emma asked, Natasha coming up behind her.

Her smiled disappeared when she saw your panicked eyes.

“What happened?” Natasha demanded.

You grabbed her arm. “I saw him. Did you bring him here? Nat, look at me.”

“I swear,” she placed a calming hand on yours. “I didn’t know. Are you sure?”

You felt your breath catch in your throat. “I-I think so.”

Emma shot Natasha a look and she nodded. “I’ll double check.” With that, she was gone. 

“Come on,” Emma grabbed your guitar and your bags. “Let’s go out the back. Even if he is here, you don’t need to see him if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t know,” you mumbled, letting her lead you.

Antonio, a friend of Natasha’s who’d happily agreed to help with security should you need it, stuck close to you both.

You made it a block down from the bar when she deposited you in front of the _Barcaccia_ fountain.

“Shoot,” she muttered, searching her bag for something. Your brain felt like someone had emptied it out. She turned to Antonio. “I’m going to be back in two seconds. Keep an eye out.”

You sat down, watching the water in the fountain.

 _Why were you so afraid? Why were you still running from him?_ Your mind swirled.

“You sounded amazing,” a deep voice said behind you.

_Of course._

“ _Va bene_ ,” you tell Antonio, who had taken a menacing step forward. Eyeing him like he’d bite.

You turned to him. “What are you doing here Steve? How did you even find me?”

His eyes were on the fountain, watching the water trickle down.

“I didn’t, not really,” he said. “Ironically, it was easier to find Natasha.”

You didn’t answer him.

“How are you?” He asked.

You huffed out a sarcastic laugh. “You did not come all the way to Italy to ask me how I am. You have about five minutes before Emma or Natasha find us and sweep me away.”

He shrugged. “I know.”

“I’m _peachy_. I heard Wakanda successfully bargained for your return.”

“I heard your album went platinum,” he said with a small smile.

You turned, openly taking him in. His eyes were aimed straight ahead, his shoulders squared and hands clasped in front of him.

You knew him well enough to know he was nervous.

You softened your glare. “I’m sorry about what happened to Bucky. I’m glad you got him back.”

At that, he startled and looked at you.

“How did you know?”

You snorted. “Did you think Tony wasn’t going to bug me?”

He frowned. “I told him to leave you out of it.”

“He did, _mostly_ ,” you shrugged. “He’s harmless. He’s the one who got my agent in contact with my record label. ‘Said it was the least he could do for _Steve’s girl_.”

His ears turned pink, like they always did when he was embarrassed.

“Didn’t we agree we’d make a clean break?” You asked, wringing your hands together.

“We did – I just – I got back and realized after the dust had settled that I wanted to go _home_. I lived in D.C. for a while but it didn’t feel right. I went to New York and I still feel lost. I realized my home…isn’t a place but, you.”

You let that sit between you for a second before exhaling harshly. “ _Steve_.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just had to see you, make sure you were okay.”

You couldn’t help yourself, you cupped his cheek, much to his surprise. His eyes caught yours and you both just breathed each other in. He watched you and you took in everything that had changed about him. Rubbing your thumb under his eye, you smiled at his scruff.

“I like the beard,” you said. “Where are your two shadows?”

“I’m so sorry,” he ducked his head, façade breaking and curving in on himself. “I’m sorry I let go, I’m sorry that we broke because of me. I’m _sorry_ I got caught up in everything.”

You let his words settle between you two.

“Freedom has always had a price,” you said eventually, reminding him of his words.

“If I’d known the price was you, I wouldn’t have paid it,” he leaned into your palm. “I wouldn’t.”

You didn’t know what to say, so you took your hand back. “I always knew what I was getting into when we decided to do this. _Captain America_ would never be just mine, I had to share.”

He looked up. “Captain America might be everyone else’s but Steve Rogers, the kid from Brooklyn, he has always belonged to you. He _will_ always belong to you.”

Those familiar ocean blue eyes stared into you. He’d always been able to do that, look beyond your wall of defense.

 _Who were you kidding?_ He’d snuck behind enemy lines a long time ago. You weren’t sure he’d ever really left.

“ _Steve_ -”

You heard Natasha call out your name from behind you. Steve’s eyes shifted to over your shoulder and he sighed.

Time was up.

“I’m sorry if this ruined your trip, I know you’ve been trying to relax before your next tour,” he said quickly.

“How did you know that?” You asked.

“Tony,” he smiled sheepishly.

You rolled your eyes. You turned to look over your shoulder, Natasha looked annoyed and Emma just looked worried. You waved at them to give you a minute.

“Steve, what are you doing?” You asked him. “What did you want out of this?”

“Honestly?” He smiled sadly. “You.”

“Steve, we both have so many issues. Clearly, it didn’t work before – why would it work now? If you were worried about me not having a normal life with you… _you’d_ never have a normal life with _me_ either,” you frowned. “I don’t think – I think we weren’t meant to be. If we were, we would’ve been by now. Please let me move on from you. _Please._ ”

He placed his hand on your cheek and brought his forehead down to rest on yours.

“I promise, this is the first and only time I’ll ask,” he said softly. “I made a mistake. From here on out, we’re a team. You and me, against the whole world if needed. _Please_.”

You exhaled and closed your eyes.

“I’m sorry. I love you,” he said into your skin. “ _I love you_. Please.”

“Steve,” you leaned back and looked at him in his eyes. You could almost see the waves thrashing around inside him. “We can’t fail a second time, it’ll break me.”

His answering grin illuminated the entire piazza. “Doll, I’m not letting you go again.”

“We go slow and communicate better, you can’t shut me out like last time,” you smiled tentatively, “and _you_ tell those two.”

Steve laughed. “I’ll face down anyone for you.”

“Yeah?” You said quietly, leaning into him.

He looked down at you, his eyes dancing. You already felt the waves pulling you under again.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

 _Falling into your ocean eyes  
Those ocean eyes_  

**Author's Note:**

> Pardon my rusty Italian, my nonna would be disappointed.
> 
> The song I listened to on repeat was Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish - she's amazing and the acoustic cover I loved was [this one.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BJ7Rz42hkE) I had actually pictured Bucky when I started writing this but decided on Steve. 
> 
> Come say hi to me: havecourage-darling.tumblr.com
> 
>  
> 
>  


End file.
